Nyx

"I dreamt
that I was atrocity.
I was allure.
The gaping maw."

I wrote that almost ten months ago. I had almost completely forgot about it. Something tonight reminded me. There are the kinds of nights where you rationalize your insomnia. It was self-defense. Like the last two survivors of a stranded expedition, having resorted to cannibalizing the rest of the group, facing each other from across the makeshift fire, knowing that the first to fall asleep won't make it down the mountain. It's him or me. Dog eat dog.

In those days, the nightmares were vivid. The kinds of dreams that don't wake you up in a screaming startle at the point of your death. You stay dreaming, helplessly watching a horror that cannot be stopped. All memories are erased and the only thing you can understand is the feeling of utter dread.

It is at once horrid and beautiful.

The morning comes and you allow the illusion of safety to lull you into agreement. You both have an understanding.

Some nights, you just have that feeling.

There'll be no sleep, 'til our work is done.

I put on my Sunday's best
and I realize that all of yesterday
was spent
waiting for you to let down your guard.

I am a child.

I wander the junkyards
in search of all the little teeth
that have
disappeared from underneath my pillow.

Sleepless nights are just as unsuitable.
The arterial flame flickers.
Fuel it with whiskey sours.

Because she is the mother to all strays.
Because a threat arises.
And I approach.
Lamb to slaughter.
Man to laughter.
Am to after.

10.02.05

The stormy sky fades;
Growing newborn Autumn sun,
time to move from here.

Forward

My thoughts will do their best to make their way here, most likely in the form of ramblings and hopefully as a few brave attempts at intellectual writing. This will be a place to work on my "writing" and maybe even put down a few things I'd like to keep for the sake of nostalgia. All criticisms and words of encouragement are welcome. We will build this house together. And I will be your roots.

"Also remember, love inhabits more than just the heart and mind. If need be it can take shelter in a big toe.

A big toe for you then."





This one's for you.